Every year it comes sooner than the last, but it comes all the same. The end of summer vacation, and for many, the beginning of the school year. Parents may be excited and even relieved for their children to return to school, but this time of year can also be fraught with stress. Figuring out schedules and navigating transitions can be tricky, and children may be nervous about making new friends, meeting new teachers, and finding their place in new classrooms or even entire buildings. Many children may be reluctant to return to school due to negative experiences with peers or difficult classes.
It is important to draw on our capacity for empathy when children express fear or reluctance to return to school, whether we are in their lives as caregivers, teachers, or other professionals or family members. Sadly, many of us may have had painful experiences associated with school and did not feel like we had anyone in our corner to support us when times were tough. For myself, I enjoyed the learning aspect of school, but dealt with severe bullying throughout grade school that left me crying when I came home nearly every day. I wish that our tiny school had been equipped with a counselor, or that my parents were aware of or had received any sort of guidance on how to support me emotionally. My childhood experiences became the groundwork for my future career as a therapist, because I wanted to turn what I went through into something positive. I wanted to make a difference for children who may be bullied, feel stressed, or struggle to find a sense of belonging.
Now that several years have passed, I look back on myself as a child and think “She really could have used a hug” or “All she wanted was someone to listen.” As adults, we hold a responsibility to provide children with the love and support they need in order to explore the world and find their own values and dreams. A significant step on this journey is to foster children’s interest in education – whether they love to create art, solve math problems, write stories, or conduct science experiments. Here are some suggestions that may prove useful as we navigate the back-to-school rush.
- Start – and stick with - a routine. This is much easier said than done, but children (and adults!) of all ages respond positively to consistent, manageable routines. A routine creates familiarity and helps children learn what to expect while practicing self-discipline. Learn your child’s school schedule and factor in breaks, meals, family time, and relaxation outside of classes, sports, and clubs. Set clear, reasonable expectations regarding screen time. Try to stick to a relaxed version of your routine on weekends and days off as well, so that Monday isn’t so daunting when it rolls around again.
- Familiarize yourself and your child with their school environment. If possible, attend any open-house or orientation that your child’s school may offer. Get to know your child’s teachers and see the school from a student’s perspective. If your child is unable to attend themselves, ask them if there is anything they would like to know that you might be able to learn on their behalf and relay back to them. Having first-hand knowledge of your child’s school can help you connect better when they tell you about their day.
- Encourage your child to share their feelings - and listen to them. Some children may be more upfront about their worries than others; others may be waiting for an opportunity to share with you, but never feel as though it’s the right time. Before the first day, make time for your child to share with you any fears or worries they have about the upcoming school year – whether it’s something big or seemingly small, it is important to validate your child’s feelings (never dismiss them) and let them know you are there for them and appreciate their willingness to share. Ensure your child has the space to speak about their experiences without interrupting them. Encourage your child to be open with their feelings and know that you are someone they can trust. If your child has a counselor or therapist, encourage them to be honest with those trusted professionals as well. The more that we know, the more we can help.
- Celebrate the joys and praise positive behaviors. School doesn’t always have to be a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad thing. Celebrate when your child gets a sticker for the day, or makes a new friend, or scores a goal. Share in their excitement about having pizza for lunch or being able to overcome their nervousness and ask the teacher for help when they need it. Trophies and certificates aren’t everything – sometimes our greatest, most meaningful rewards can be a hug or an “I’m so proud of you” from a loved one. This isn’t to say that you should throw a party every time something remotely good happens but try to focus more on the positives than the negatives, especially if your child struggles with behavioral and emotional difficulties in school.
- Don't be afraid to reach out for support. Fortunately, many schools nowadays are equipped with incredible faculty and staff who genuinely care for children of all ages and want to see them succeed. Establish a good rapport with your child’s teachers at the beginning of the school year and ask that they check in with you regarding any significant concerns or accomplishments. When appropriate, provide updates on your child as they pertain to school – are they coming back from a rough weekend? Has there been a recent loss in the family? Has your child started any new medication? Check in with your school counselor or social worker about community resources including therapy, support groups, and activities to utilize at home to help your child thrive emotionally, mentally, and physically. Parents and caregivers need to take care of themselves too – and it’s a good thing to reach out for help when you feel like you or your child need it.
Of course, all children are different and have varying strengths, values, and struggles. What may be easy for one family may not be as feasible for another. We cannot protect our children from everything and should never expect to shield them from every single negative experience, but we can do our best to provide loving, nurturing care and support to encourage them to participate in school and find appropriate solutions to any issues they may have. When your child comes to you for help or reassurance, remember just how much you mean to them. You don’t have to have all of the answers – I’d be shocked if anyone did – but remember to reach out for help when you need it, lend an ear to your child’s worries and accomplishments alike, give your child the opportunities they need to grow, and be an active part of your child’s educational experience.
