Believe
By Jennifer Eulberg, MA, LPC
I believe in you - and here’s why:
I’ve spent many years of my life not believing in myself. While it could be argued that I looked great “on paper”, I experienced my life through lenses of trauma, doubt, depression, and anxiety. I did everything I could to set myself for “one day” but not believing much that “one day” would happen. I felt summed up by friends who noted, “You’re good at school!” but didn’t really categorize me as “intelligent”. It became another self-deprecating joke I encouraged about myself. I took it on and labelled myself as a “school robot - beep boop beep”. I sacrificed many things to “make sure” I would have a decent future, but I was barely living the right now. I look back on my life and see large, sweeping periods of not much. I certainly FELT those years. I used to consider so much of this as a waste of time. However, I see now how much I learned and grew - becoming who I am now.
I don’t know that I ever really did too much of that on purpose, though. I have always tended to be more of a reflector on what has already occurred, working to adapt a way to live with the past. I absolutely went to therapy, many times. Each time helped in different ways. Again, DURING those times I felt and thought myself an absolute mess. I often couldn’t see how what counselors told me could possibly be done. I saw barrier after barrier. I still often look at self-help books cynically. Usually written by someone that has conclusions to a struggle, I wonder how someone in the struggle sees anything but what I did - something so far from where I am/was to give it much credence.
My life, including my own therapy experiences, has greatly influenced what I do with clients. As counselors, we strive to meet the client where they are - not where they can get. I see this as one of the most powerful tools in a therapist’s toolbox. I’ve seen the impact this has on my ability to help people.
From that starting place, wherever that is, I have seen people’s ability to growth and make positive changes. On reflection, I never made it anywhere without first grappling with where I was first. I struggled immensely with years of disbelief it could get better, then years of seeing how it might get better, but only to a point. Now I have had several years of it being better to the point I can actually have visions of something even better!
This is why I believe in you. I believe in people. I believe because I lived it and currently have the honor to see my client’s doing the work to get there too.
So, am I trying to convince you to believe in yourself? Actually, I’m not. I get that it might not be possible where you are. I had loads of people believing in me, but it didn’t matter until I got there myself. I’m hoping by sharing all of this and stating my belief in you, that you might make a step toward the many, many steps toward, maybe, if only, someday, you MIGHT believe in yourself too.
